Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
