Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
