Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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