she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
