3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
