I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
