Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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