I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
