We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
