IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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