Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
