my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
