i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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