I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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