dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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