I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
