every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
