I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
