Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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