remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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