Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize