would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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