i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize