i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
