im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
