My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
