Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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