The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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