It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
