Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
