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• (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  dude do u know what u did last night?

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  do i wanna know???

  (309): View more from Illinois

  you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Why is your signature on my underwear?

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.

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