Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
