twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
