I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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