My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
