oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
do nipples grow back?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
