Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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