Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
