let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
