We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
