I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
