I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
