please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
