Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
