Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
