There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
