I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
