Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
