I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I deserve this hangover.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
