We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
