Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
