I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
