i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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