Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His hands were made for my vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize