Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
whose parrot is this?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
