If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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