And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
