oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
