dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
