how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
