If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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