Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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