I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
