I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
