So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have started to decorate penises.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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