you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
