thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let's get the cat blown out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
