No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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