what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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